After Sex Life: Why Sexual Aftercare Is So Important and How to Practice It

 Sexual aftercare is the practice of caring for your partner(s) after sex. It can involve anything from showering together to cuddling and talking; it's all about what makes everyone feel cared for and nurtured after engaging in sexual intimacy.

In the past, society has primarily been focused on the before and during of sex: Think foreplay and enthusiastic consent. In recent years, however, the inclusion of what happens after the act of sex has also become a focal point. Because of that, we've seen a rise in people discussing the "after" of sex, too.

"The term 'sexual aftercare' was introduced by the BDSM community as a practice to make sure everyone was taken care of after sexual encounters but has since spread outside of that community," explains co-founder of SOHOMD Dr. Edward Ratush, a sex therapist and Board Certified Psychiatrist. While sexual aftercare was originally used to describe the time, care, and attention given to partners after BDSM play or kinky sex, it is now a common concept and practice amongst non-kink communities, monogamous couples, and polyamorous people.

Anyone who has sex can benefit from practicing sexual aftercare. Ahead, we'll discuss more about what this practice is, what actions it may include, and why it's important.

What is Sexual Aftercare?

There are no hard and fast rules about what is or isn't sexual aftercare as it's centered around the things that make individuals cared for after having sex. Because sex can be a personal, physical, vulnerable, intimate and intense activity, ensuring your partner feels cared for afterwards helps everyone leave the situation feeling good. Sexual aftercare promotes relationship satisfaction,1 and it can be given and received by anyone. There are no roles needed and it should be present in relationships ranging from casual to serious.

"Just as people now recognize that foreplay plays an important role to help both partners become aroused and transition from daily life into sex, there is a growing awareness that sexual aftercare can help your mind and body re-regulate themselves," says Ratush. "Aftercare refers to a variety of behaviors after sex; it can be time spent cuddling, talking and taking care of your partner. The variation is broad because the intention of the care is to meet the partners’ need(s) in the moment," he adds.

Aftercare can enhance feelings of security after intimacy, as it can be seen as a continuation of activities that enable our partners to feel close, connected, and respected. During sex, endorphins and feel-good hormones including oxyticn can be released, activating pleasure centers in the brain. Aftercare can help regulate how you feel and how your body responds as those chemicals dissipate. People, especially men, can be prone to depression after having sex,2 so taking care of your partner and seeing that their emotional needs are met may help prevent that. Intimacy, connection, and closeness do not have to end after an orgasm.

What Does Sexual Aftercare Include?

Sexual aftercare includes any activity that helps a person feel grounded and relaxed after having sex. These include, but are not limited to:

• Talking, whether it's about the sex you just had and how you feel or other topics
• Cuddling
• Reading together
• Watching tv
• Showering together
• Eating snacks
• Taking a nap
• Rubbing each other's backs
• Listening to music together
• Stroking each other's hair

Before engaging in any aftercare activities, you can check in with your partner about the kinds of aftercare that would feel good for them. Communication and consent about desired activities after sex is important, just as consent for sex itself is. Openly communicating with your partner(s) about the amount of time you have available to spend together, as well as the activities you're interested in, can occur after sex, or can be discussed beforehand so everyone is prepared.

If you and your partner(s) are more spontaneous, it may make sense to decide on aftercare in the moment. If you are the type who likes to plan days out ahead of time, you may benefit from planning aftercare in advance.